Deliver Us From Spencer Rewrite
by spashleyfics
Summary: Based on the movie. please read it is enjoyable
1. Chapter 1

Deliver us from Spencer 2

Glen's POV

Aye!! It's Monday Night Football. I'm chillin in my living room with my buddies: Aiden, and Clay. We all became friends when we became the significant others of 3 out of the 4 Carlin sisters. I'm the husband of Kyla. Clay is with Chelsea - the adopted sister and Aiden is with Madison. There is only one thing standing in the way of total bliss for all of us.

* * *

OK, So back to the football me and my guys, we have some chips and beer, all that Macho food. We r just having a good time. Then my wife comes in carrying tubs of cubular food. "Hey Baby." I say gesturing to the fruit. "Thats really nice of you but we already have food here."

She looks at me like i'm crazy and says "What are you guys doing here?"

I give her the same look back and say "What does it look like we're doing Ky? We're tryna watch the game babe."

"My book club is meeting here tonight." She states

"But Babe remember when we talked last month, You said it was okay if we watched the game."

She says, "Oh yeah, well Spencer changed all that. She was supposed to let you guys know."

"Well she didn't." I deadpan

Madison walks in with some more food, "Hey," she spots us and her face drops "its the men" she states

Chelsea comes in and asks us if we're joining thier book club. WTF, apperently it was gonna be "very enlightening".

I take a deep breath and say "Sweetie," i say gently, "would it be okay if you take your book club in the other room, because we are all settled in here."

"Well i guess that would be Ok." She gives in and i grin at her and give the guys high fives and everything. "I love you baby." Im smiling as i say this to Kyla. When SHE comes in with her tight ponytail and her stern face and her piercing blue eyes -

"NO, no we cannot take it in the other room, Clay, Glen, Aiden," Spencer greets us evenly. "Our book club is reading beloved and we're gonna need the television to wacth the film when we're done." she finishes with a smirk.

"Oh, Yeah that's right honey, we need the room." Kyla says

I stand up and glare at Spencer. "You did not tell me you wanted to use a room in my house Spencer."

And she gives it right back to me, "Well," she chuckles condescendingly. "I'm telling you right now Glen, and it is half my sisters house too. Community Property. See, 'cause I want Kyla to make a good impression on the book club, don't you?"

"No!" I say

"Excuse me" Kyla says with attitude and matching neck roll

"I-I mean yes" I state. I sit down defeated and Aiden pops up. "Look, we were here first, Spencer."

"Yes, But certainly the temporal proximity of our advents isn't determentive, Is it?" (A.N. I have no idea what that means and i hope i typed it right.)

Aiden looks confused before he composes himself, and says,"I'll get back to you on that."

"Yea." she scoffs.

Clay then hops up calmly. " you don't get to me with you 50 dollar words, Spencer," She rolls her eyes. Clay continues. "Now what would you say if i demanded you to leave this room."

"Yea." I say

"Yea." Aiden chimes in

"I would say that I find you particular brand of Crack very amusing." Spencer starts, "This isn't about a book vs. a foot ball game fells. Oh no. This is about Men vs. Women. Women who aspire to culture and men who aspire to scratch themselves. Women who bear the burdens in life and men who create those burdens. Women who uplift humanity and men uplift lapdances. If society weree left to the whims of men, we'd still be in caves carving pictures with our non - opposeable thinbs. So today, gentlemen is a day for civilized behavior. Today we women raise our voices against laziness, crudeness and play off games and that is it, End of story. The fat lady's singing - Out of the room." Spencer ends her little lecture. Oh wait there's some more to her rant. "By the way fellas, if any of that was lost upon you then i've just proven my point again. Excuse me." She walks out and into the kitchen.

I look at my wife. "Kyla! Baby! I am putting my foot down." Then I literally put my foot down to show that I mean business.

Need less to say we were kicked out of the room. What happened to the days when a man puts his foot down, it means something to people.

* * *

A.N. There will be Spashley people. Just be patient. Read and Review. Please. Don't make me have to beg.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Glen's POV

So after we were kicked out of the comfort of my own home,we ended up at a bar, watching the game. It was cramped, hot, and nasty. Ugh!

"I can't stand Spencer, man." Aiden says

"I can't stand her either," I start "But come on, you really need to calm down, Aiden, you're making us all stressed."

"You know what, you need to stand up to your wife, Glen. Its like she done took your balls and turned them into earrings." Aiden starts "Your wife is bling - blinging with your nuts."

"Yeah, well this is what we get for being with Spencer's little sisters. They would never be able to stand up to us with out Spencer." Clay states

"You know I really did think I was getting one of the fabulous Carlin girls," I say "I didn't know it came with the sister in law from hell."

"You gotta admit, they were the finest women in the nieghborhood." Aiden states.

"Yea and did you notice how they stuck together in that argument. One for all and all for Spencer, that's how they getting down." Clay says.

"Come on guys," I start "We need to be more compassionate. I mean their parents died when they were younger and left them alone. So they have to stick together."

"I shoulda used that argument to get on Spencer about that Carlin fund. That's what I should've done." Clay says.

"Come on Clay, please," I say "You really need to let that go."

"They've been putting money into that accout ever since they were teenagers, man. And what are they doing with it? Nothing. I bet they don't even know how much is in there." Clay says

After that we all look over towards the entrance of the bar and we see this girl in the middle of two other girls. It looks like its about to go down.

"I told you to step away from my girl."

"Ladies, please there's no need for this." the girl in the middle says

"If she's your girl, then what is she doing here with me?"

"Charity work, bitch." They try to get at each other but the girl in the middle stops them.

"Look, hey, it's just a big mis understanding, okay." The girl in the middle says

"Yo, fellas, I know that girl." Clay says "Yo, Ashley!"

She looks up at us and smiles. Wow, she is really pretty.

"I didn't even know she was back on town." Clay states. We look back over at Ashley.

"You should be mad at me, not at each other. Ive been dating both of you. True, we don't have a commitment, but I couldn't decide between you." Ashley explains to the girls

"Hey fellas, I think she might be the girl to rid us of Spencer." Clay says

"What?! Spencer's not gay." I state

"I don't know about that. Chelsea's mentioned that she thinks Spencer might like girls. It's worth a try." Clay says

"But that girl? You'd be better off getting a sumo wrestler to get with Spencer. Those women are about to cuss her ass out and leave her high and dry. Watch." Aiden states

We look back over and see the two girls start to smile and grin at each other. The two women shake hands. Ashley smiles, puts an arm around both of them and leaves with the two women.

"Get outta here!" Aiden exclaims

"Be right back." Clay says and runs after Ashley. When he comes back over to us he says, "Fellas, she said she'll meet us here the day after tommorrow."

"OK, so she's a freak, how does that help us with Spencer?" Aiden asks

"Spencer just needs somebody to love." Clays says

"Come on now, Remember we tried that? Remember with Sean?" I ask

FLASHBACK----

In the park - Spencer and Sean

"See, all I said was that you was a little uptight, but I like that though. So it was like a compliment, in reverse." Sean says

"Oh, reverse." Spencer says smiling

"Yea" Sean says grinning back

"I see."

"You feelin' me?"

"Yea, sure, did you know that female spiders eat thier partners when she's done with them. Yea, they date, they laugh, and then she turns his ass into a crabcake. Now while the prospect of biting you head off makes me happy, I am sure that you are not a happy meal. So, im moving on to better cuisine. Goodbye, Sean." Spencer finishes and starts walking off.

"Spencer wait! You just going to say goodbye?" Sean asks

"Oh no. It's not good bye, It's hello, In Reverse!" Spencer says and walks off.

End of flashback ---

"Spencer put that man in the mental institution." I say

"Glen, you're always exaggerating." CLay says

"Spencer drove the man insane, okay. I seen him last week. Now he ta-ta-ta-ta-talk like th-th-th-th-this." Aiden says

"Maybe that was because Spencer likes girls more. Plus, This can work with Ashley. She is a specialist. She is a Master Player. Listen, Ashley can get spencer to let go of her sisters. Then, when its just us and them, we can have all thier love." Clay finishes with a smile.

"Yea, we can get her to seduce Spencer, 'cause all she really needs is some you know what." Aiden says excitedly

"What Spencer really needs is a sensitive girl. Someone who can help her out with her personality problems." I say

"What Spencer needs is somebody who can hit that ass 'til she starts speaking ion tongues. , Ching Ching Chong!!" Aiden laughs out

"Yea, can Ashley do that?" I ask

* * *

A.N. Okay there ya go. tell me whacha think. Review please


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Madison and Aiden's house

Aiden's Pov

Ok, I'm horny. I'm ready to make love to my wife, Sooo I turned on my radio. 'Take you down' Chris Brown is on. Ok, I know he's a woman beater, but you gotta admit, he makes some good getting down songs.

So, anyway, I start to crawl over to my wife on the bed. She is studying on the laptop. She's in college. I start to massage her back. She's not paying me any attention, so I decide to just come out and say what I wanna do.

"So, after we finish doing it, we're going to lie together and talk for awhile, right?" I ask

She sighs. "Ok, we can do it, but I have to finish studying."

"Come on, Mads." I mean, seriously come on. We haven't done it in like 3 days.

"It's just, Spencer says that if I stick to a study schedule and..." She starts, but I cut her off.

I stand up and turn the radio off. Its amazing how the mention of Spencer's name can get me out of the mood. "Don't say the S word, Mads. Not in this house."

She stands up to face me. "I have to stick to my study schedule, Ok, all of us agreed."

"What is with you Carlin women?" I ask

"I love my sisters, okay," I am getting frustrated, and it must've shown on my face because she says -

"I'm sorry I love you too, just in a different way."

"Okay, then I demand that you love me the same way that you love them." I state.

She sighs again. "You and them, its like, apples and oranges."

What?! I start pointing to my wedding ring. "Lady, I am your husband. I pledged my life to you before God and a bunch of ugly ass relatives I don't even like. I gave up all my wild ways for you, and believe me baby, I had a hell of alot of them. See, I never told you about the roses and the butt-naked midgets or none of that shit. I had midget pros in different area codes. Therefore, I Demand to be a damn orange."

She chuckles, "Okay, you can stop playing now."

"Ok, you know what, If a man can't be a orange in his own house, then you're cut off." I state

"Oh i'm cut off." she smirks

"Yea." I say

"Farreal?" She asks as she walks toward me slowly

"Yea, back up."

"You going to cut me off?" she whispers inches from my lips

"Don't do that." I plead as she starts kissing me. My hands instinctively go to her hips as her arms wrap around my neck.

"Oh damn, the flesh is weak." I say as i pick her up, not breaking the kiss, and fall back onto the bed.

She sits up to take of her shirt, then she unbuckles belt, and my pants off.

She gets back on top of me to kiss me again but...

"Mads, I have a dreadful problem, I need your help." Spencer busts into our bedroom. She looks at us. "Oh gosh, you're doing it." She states

"How the hell did you get in here?!" I yell

"Madison gave me a key in case of emergency." She says

"Are you Ok?" Madison asks

"Well don't mind us, we're just having sex!" I say

"Oh, so I should just come back in what, 2 minutes?" She asks me

"Get your ass out!" I yell

"Is it really inportant?" Madison asks

Spencer nods

"OK, just give me and Aiden one minute?" Madison asks spencer

"Oh, just one minute? damn Its worst than I thought." Spencer says while walking out

"She probably had a bad day or something." Madison states getting off of me and leaving

"Hey, where are you going?" I ask

"Spencer needs me." SHe says

"Me and lil Aiden need you too!" O shout after her.

"Damn you Spencer." I Scream

* * *

Next Day

In Glen and Kyla's House

Glen in the living roomwatching sports, Kyla and Spencer in the kitchen chopping cucumbers.

Kyla's POV

"So, you two still talking about having a baby?" Spencer asks

"Shhh, not too loud, If glen even hears the word 'baby', he jumps on top of me." I state

"Oh," Spencer explains, "thats just his male biological clock. It's when a man begins having baby fever, like a woman. I read about it in Psycology today."

"All i know is that every time we argue about it, he ends up drinking." I sigh out

"The drinking isn't serious, is it?" Spencer asks

"No, but - Well, you know his father had that drinking problem what do u think i shoud do?" I ask

"I don't like getting in married people's business. There's nothin wrong with a grown man having a n occasional drink." Spencer starts. "Although a study did show that a drinking problem can be heriditary. You don't want your baby coming out of the womb talking about 'Where the liquor at?', You know, It wouldn't be right."

She is so right. I dont want my baby talkin about 'where the liquor at?' Spencer always has the best advice.

So i walk out of the kitchen, and over to glen and just as he's about to take a sip of his drink .... I snatch it out of his hand.

"Oh, hey, hey, hey. Baby, I was still drinking that." Glen says reaching for his drink.

"Honey, i know, but you shoudn't drink so much, you know? Spencer and I were just talking and this drink is not what you need. Um, do you want to do the breathing excercises that Bethany talked about?" I ask

"No, Hun, I don't want to breathe. I just want to drink. I want that drink." Glen says pointing to the drink in my hand

"Baby, i don't like to bring up the past but you know that little problem your daddy has."

"I am not my father." Glen says sternly

"Oh sweetie, I know. I know. Its just, tonight, for me, no more drinking. Thank you." I blow him some kisses. Oh, he looks so sad

---- Glens Pov

Where does she get off taking my drink. I look up to Spencer in the kitchen and she's staring at me, with a smug look on her face, still chopping those cucumbers.

I daze off and i have i vision

I am naked and i look to my left in the kitchen and I see Spencer with a knife raised.

Before i know it she swings the knife down and slices of my penis. With that i am am abruptly awake from my daze.

A.N this was just a filler chapter. Next chapter we move on with the story. Stay tuned and please review. It makes me want to post faster if i know people like the story.


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